Stalking behind the hope of each New Year can be haunted past hurts, griefs and disappointments from the year behind us. Continue reading “The Sinking Sand Mystery”
I know you only want to cry. To let numbness envelope you in a deep, blinding fog. A fog that wraps you tight, lest your heart shatters. You want to scream into the darkness. You despise the darkness.
“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE,” I hear you demand. “Leave me alone.”
But sleep must force itself into your grief my child.
You don’t want sleep. I know. But it must come. It will assault your dreams with flashes you don’t want to see. Joy you aren’t ready to feel or remember.
That face. That precious face.
Sleep will release your tired body from its inevitable grasp, and for a moment…a mere moment, you will feel bliss. Bliss before the pain awakes. Bliss before reality.
Sleep will beckon again…remember, remember. Come, come see her here. I will show you her face. Yes, it will hurt for a time. Yes, you will hate me for a little while.
Then the night will fall when I take you into slumber and remind you once again of the gift she was to your life. But in this time you will embrace the remembering, you will long for it. And my peace will blanket you.
Close your eyes my weary child and rest in Me. I have her…right here in my arms. Strong arms, loving arms.
Close your eyes. She will run to you in your dreams. I promise you will remember with joy. Your dreams will overflow with the fullness that the gift of her brought to your life.
Close your eyes and sleep, for joy comes in the morning. My joy always comes in the morning.
Close your eyes and sleep my child. I have her.
Dreams are silly, wonderful, surreal things, aren’t they? Dreams wrap us in meadows of bubblegum flowers beside streams flowing with chocolate. They put us into intergalactic transports or walking with giants. Maybe the guy from the vegetable market will join the family for Christmas dinner, where your mom and sister-in-law are wearing hats after arriving home from the royal wedding. We wake from horror-filled nightmares with bloodcurdling screams.
Or, maybe we kick our husband. (Sorry babe, my dream made me do it!)
At one time, tornadoes awaited me beyond the border of my REM stage every night. If you put stock in dream analysis, tornadoes mean what you expect: havoc, self-destruction, turmoil and danger. It was a difficult time in my life.
Once after taking melatonin, I had such an intense realistic dream; I went days with the feeling my close friends had robbed a bank and were in prison. It was so real I reminded myself it was only a dream throughout the week. I’ve never taken melatonin again.
Everyone has off-the-wall dreams. We wake asking, “Where did that come from?”
Sometimes dreams are subconscious longings that bring moments of joy we carry in our hearts throughout the day, and perhaps longer.
I recently had such a dream. A friend of mine called it a God hug. Perfect! A God hug. A dream about my Ty Beau.
Ty Beau was an exquisite seven pound Pomeranian. Ty was my heart-dog. He was handsome, intelligent and behaved. We were a team, competing together in Rally Obedience competitions. He was top notch—regal some have said.
I lost my Ty Beau on February 6, 2015, when he was five years old to complications stemming from an autoimmune disease—IMHA. (See previous post: https://cozyintrigue.wordpress.com/2018/03/19/the-mystery-of-the-killer-letters/)
Ty was a great hugger. I know, I know—he was a dog, dogs don’t hug. But I stand by my statement, he was a GREAT hugger. There aren’t enough words for how much I loved my little man’s hugs. I miss him, and his hugs, every day.
I can’t recall much about the dream. Ty was back with us, and he was playing chase with his sister again. I felt such happiness. Such contentment.
I remember with vivid clarity that in the moment of my waking from the dream I was hugging my Ty Beau. I felt the hug. I felt joy. I’ve dreamed about Ty many times since he passed, but I always felt sadness and pain when I awoke.
This dream left me with happiness. For the first time after a dream about Ty, I awoke with a smile on my face. How I miss my little man.
A God hug. Yes, please!
Have you ever had such a realistic dream?
Sometimes I need a talking donkey.
The story of Balaam is fascinating and mysterious. He was a man who knew God and had seen His mighty hand at work. God spoke to Balaam. But—Balaam messed up.
I can’t be too hard on Balaam, I mean, I’ve messed up a few things myself.
Balaam had a lucrative gift, he could bless or he could curse. When the king of Moab had a problem, he called on Balaam to curse his problem. The king promised money and great honor.
Balaam had a sweet job lined up—if God gave the okay.
God did not give the okay and Balaam sent the king’s men back to Moab.
The king sent an entourage a second time to plead with Balaam to come. And again, Balaam waited for God to speak.
And God came to Balaam at night and said to him, “If the men come to call you, rise and go with them; but only the word which I speak to you—that you shall do.”
Great! It was a go…or was it?
The next morning Balaam got up, saddled his donkey, and went to the men from Moab. Things would not go as planned.
The Lord had not told Balaam to go. He told Balaam IF the men CAME for him, then he could go, but say only what the Lord instructed him. I think this was a case of putting the cart before the horse…or the donkey.
Balaam was eager for the money and honor promised him. He ignored the prerequisite God had laid out for his going and couldn’t get that donkey saddled quick enough.
God did not take that lightly. The Angel of the Lord went ahead of Balaam and stood in the road with his sword drawn to oppose him. But Balaam’s mind was on the profit awaiting him and he didn’t see the Angel. But the donkey did, and she turned away and walked into a field.
Now, anyone who knows me knows how much I love animals. So I get a little upset with Balaam here. He beat his donkey to get her back on the road.
The Angel of the Lord moved further ahead to a narrow passage between the vineyards with a wall on either side. Again Balaam’s donkey saw the angel, but I assume she didn’t want to be beat again. She tried to pass by the angel, but crushed Balaam’s foot against the wall. That poor little donkey couldn’t win, and once more, Balaam beat her.
For a third time the Angel moved ahead to a passage so narrow there was no way for the donkey to move to the left or to the right. Can you imagine her frustration? She’s already tried twice to keep this guy from the sword of the Lord, and all he does is beat her!
As I read this story, in my mind I’m thinking for the donkey, “Okay dude, I tried, you’re on your own. I’m going to lie down right where I am.”
And that’s just what she did. Balaam’s anger was so provoked he beat the donkey with his staff.
Here’s where the story gets fun.
Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” Numbers 22:28
In his anger Balaam said to the donkey:
“Because you have abused me. I wish there were a sword in my hand, for now I would kill you!” Numbers 22:29
I have to stop for a moment. As my son and I read this scripture, when we reached this point he said, “Whoa! Balaam just talks back to the donkey? No pause for surprise? No shock that the donkey is talking? Just, hey donkey I could kill you”?
Who wouldn’t be aghast? If I heard a donkey talk, I think I would at least have a moment of bewilderment. But, on with the story.
Balaam’s donkey answered him:
“…Am I not your donkey on which you have ridden, ever since I became yours, to this day? Was I ever disposed to do this to you?” Numbers 22:30
Bless her heart. Balaam had only one word for her:
“No.” Numbers 22:30
At the moment of Balaam’s self-awareness, God opened his eyes. He saw the Angel of the Lord and fell face-down. Then the angel said:
“Why have you struck your donkey these three times? Behold, I have come out to stand against you, because your way is perverse before me. The donkey saw me and turned aside from me these three times. If she had not turned aside from me, surely I would also have killed you by now, and let her live.” Numbers 22:32,33
The donkey gets justice!
Balaam moved forward independent of God’s direction. It took a talking donkey to wake him from his own ambition. He confessed his sin and repented.
Sound familiar? Many times in my life I’ve stepped ahead of God only to step into a mess. Waiting for God is difficult. It’s easy to talk myself into moving ahead of Him. I tell myself that He’s left me behind and get caught up in the pace of my own madness.
A talking donkey. Yes Lord, sometimes I need a talking donkey.
Have you ever gotten ahead of God?